BECOMING MOTHER - A MOTHER'S DAY TRIBUTE

“Oh my God.  I’m turning into my mother.”  How many times have I uttered those words?  How many times have you?  In honor of Mother’s Day I wanted to write a snippet about becoming our mothers.  The older I become the more I realize that I am my mother in so many ways.  And why is it when people always say that phrase there is an implied negative connotation?  As if becoming our mothers would be the worst thing?  Hardly.  Our mothers are an invaluable resource in life that to become them is really, in essence, to become ourselves.  We find ourselves in our mothers.  At least I did.

My mother’s name was Vera.  Vera loved to shop, loved colors, prints and patterns, loved everything beauty and glamour, loved her cocktails, and she especially enjoyed horror movies.  I was lucky because we had a lot in common.  I was lucky because my mother was a beautiful, vivacious, adventurous, and fun lady.  She also, unknowingly, provided me with a wealth of insight and the freedom of living my life the way I wanted.  When I came home at 16 years old after a weekend visit with my sister who was away at college with half my head shaved and died yellow, red and orange, my mother’s reaction was to simply tell me that she loved all of the colors and that I was pretty enough to carry that hairstyle.  She never pressured me about marriage or having children.  She just wanted me to be happy in whatever form my happiness took.  I was free to be me with her.  She also taught me a lot about growing old gracefully as I never once heard her complain about aging or what a drag it was.  I actually learned that from the outside world, television, magazines, and then the internet. 

So when I do notice Vera in my habits that I seemed to have somehow picked up over the years, I find solace and joy in it.  Every time I pick up that red lipstick, every time I mix textures, colors and patterns, every time I get excited about a new cosmetic or fashion purchase, I think of Vera.  I reminisce about all the times I watched her put her pantyhose on, brush her hair, apply her false eyelashes and lipstick, and then later take it all off with Pond’s Cold Cream.  I cherish the memories, mannerisms and routines I learned from my beloved mother and I appreciate just how important these small moments were.  They pass too quickly, but they leave an indelible mark.  And as we go out into our worlds and share those distinctive idiosyncrasies, we are literally sharing parts of our mothers.  Thus, making our mothers immortal within us… my mother is immortal within me.  I love that. 

Vera never lost her youthful interests or humor and simply kept up with the pace of it all.  Living life and the passing days with dignity and class.  She also never relinquished her beauty routine just because she was older and never stepped outside without her face on.  She remained true to her sense of style and kept on dressing in vibrant colors and textures while adding jewelry and scarves with an editing eye.  She was old school.  Those old school ladies always kept up their appearances no matter what their age.  I respect that.  I can learn a lot from that.  It is about not giving up on yourself no matter how old you are and always dressing for the occasion.  So, if that’s what it means to become mother, I’m all in!

The next time you look at or reminisce about your mother (biological or not), try not just seeing her as mom or grandma or old at all, but see her for what she really is: one hell of a woman!  After all, becoming mother is becoming me is becoming you… is becoming us.
  

Happy Mother's Day.
 

VERA (LEFT) STRIKING A POSE