IS THE TROUBLE REALLY WITH 50? OR, IS THE TROUBLE REALLY WITH US? A RANT.

So much emphasis is placed upon age isn’t it?  This is especially true as you creep up in years.  And, frankly, the popular opinion about growing old and getting older is hardly ever positive. This is especially true when one is in the neighborhood of the number 50. Why is that?  Why is everyone so touchy about 50?  Is 50 really that big and scary? I have found that it’s those ominous numbers like 40, 45, 50 and so on that often strike fear in people's hearts and are likened to a deranged specter hiding in a closet ready to strike you down with grey hair, wrinkles, extra pounds, and aches and pains. I have never understood the feigned importance or the attitude of encroaching doom people entertain when they speak of these so called “milestone” birthdays. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people shriek, gasp and shrug their shoulders, shaking their heads in disbelief when speaking of becoming 50. “I’m so old!” I often hear. Actually, I have also witnessed this same reaction for 40 and 45 as well, but there is definitely something about 50 that freaks people out. 50 is midlife and it often lends itself to stereotypical cliches such as younger arm-candy “trophy” wives, that little red Corvette, or even salacious affairs. Why is everyone so discontent with 50 and midlife? These reactions, gestures of disapproval, and fool hardy cliches of what people think define 50 are perplexing, disheartening and damaging to the joy of actually growing old. When we were younger, birthdays were a celebration of life, right?  We couldn’t wait to celebrate being another year older and we looked forward to our special day with gumption, gusto and gaiety. It was an accomplishment to reach our birthdays; another feather in our caps so to speak. So why should becoming 50 be any different?  When did reaching our middle age birthdays become such a drag? When did they become something to dread and fear instead of something to celebrate? And what is it that we are trying to hold onto? Youth is fleeting, but growing old is divine, as the adage goes. And we should all be so fortunate to grow old and older and older, right? 

I am 49 and will be turning 50 in 6 short months. When I tell people this, assuredly their next question is “Oh! How do you feel about that?” in a sympathetic tone as if something bad is about to occur. Or, the super sensitive exclamation is made “Damn, you’re old!” Gotta love that one. So my response for good measure is always “How do I feel about what? The weather?” Or, “Yeah, I guess I’m older, but at least I’m not stupid.” Yeah, both responses are sarcastic, but I’ve had enough of all this silliness. What do you mean how do I feel about turning 50? I’m happy! Why would anyone presume otherwise? In fact, becoming 50 is not the beginning of the end. Hardly. Turning 50 is a new beginning; same as when you wake every morning. A fresh start to make yourself and this world a better place. Listen, I am just as immature and young at heart as I was at 18, 25 and 35. I still like to have fun and I still have a lot to offer. So it is my belief that with each passing birthday we should consider ourselves successful or to simplify it to its lowest denominator, we should be congratulated for literally living half our lifespan. Now that’s what I call an accomplishment to be proud of! Indeed, our 50th birthday cakes should state “I am successful at aging!” and we stop questioning how we arrived at this age in an entanglement of worry, concern and disbelief. 

I often tell people that I am literally half-dead and that I now walk with one foot in my grave.  I don’t mean to be crude, but I am a very forthcoming and curt person who doesn’t mince or sugarcoat words (if you follow my blog you’ll know this already). What I mean by this is that I simply don’t have time to waste. Let me correct that. It’s not that I don’t have time to waste; I don’t WANT to waste any more time. Actually, I think that’s what my twenties were for.  Keeping this in mind, I have finally reached the point where I am confident and secure enough to live my authentic life and live it by my rules. So, with that being said, if I want to start an Instagram account documenting my midlife fashion follies, I’m going to… and I did. If I want to go to rock concerts on Thursday and Sunday nights and drink Tequila highballs, I am going to… and I often do. If I want to dye part of my hair blond I will… and I did. And if I get a chance to jump in with both feet, chances are I’m going to take it. And I do all this because of that encroaching number 50. That scary BIG number 50. My midlife has brought me back around to who I truly am, but without the constraints of youthful anxiety, insecurity and doubt. Honestly, I have never been happier. 

And while I do understand that midlife may bring up a multitude of multi-faceted emotions of pastimes, losses and regrets, it is important to remember that those times were mere moments in a lifetime that has contributed to the fabric of our middle age experiences. The "good ole days" are not over. Alas, you still have plenty of time to make new "good ole days." Is this what scares people? Does 50 remind many that their days are numbered? Realistically, our days were numbered the day we were born. And if we are still moving and shaking at 50, well then honey, it's time to celebrate. It's time to make some noise. Although I do frequently remind myself that nothing is ever perfect, and that we all have our moments of missed opportunities and repentance, but perfection is overrated. Perfection doesn’t make a beautiful person, experience does. We have fought and persevered through life’s greatest and lowest moments and have come out the other side in glory and moxie. There is a freedom in 50 that 20, 30 and even 40 didn’t offer. “Freedom” - what a wonderful state of being. Our bodies are changing, our faces are changing, our lives are changing, are feelings are changing; this is all a rebirth. A rebirth and evolution of change. Let’s travel the road maps of our stories and flourish in this season of our lives and welcome 50 because it is an arrival. So don’t shriek, don’t gasp and don’t shrug your shoulders at it. Find comfort in it and familiarize yourself with all its nuances and know that you have nothing to prove to 50. Make peace with midlife, don’t continue to stir the pot in ageism. We already have enough of that.

Well, I guess that concludes this month's rant; thanks for listening. I feel much better. I hope you do too. So, if you happen to see me on the street, please don’t take pity on me because I'll soon be turning 50. And certainly don’t ask me how I feel about it. Guaranteed, you probably won’t like my response because the trouble is not with 50; the trouble is with the world that persist on asking me about it.

“I don’t believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one’s aspect to the sun.” - Virginia Woolf